I have a story too, a life sized one and I want to tell you about it openly, without shame or fear. I made a promise to myself to leave shame and fear, and all that which shut me out of my own life, my dreams and opportunities. I was 33 years old then and I promised myself to be an ordinary feeling human being. I promised myself to care for my inner feeling child, more responsibly. To head into my lifelong growth journey bravely fearful with my hurt and my laughter.
I was born into a Laestadian family. I lived my childhood in a safe religious bubble, where I learned about the good and the bad, and their consequences. But I didn’t learn to distinguish them from equations that break my own mind, or shatter my own body. Faith guided my life with fear holding my hand. At 18 years old, I stood at the altar at my own wedding. At the age of 19, I was the mother of a little boy. As a 20-year old, I sat int the front row of the church where I got married, watching a small white coffin. As a 24-year old, I was the mother of 5 children, 4 of whom were alive. As a 29-year old, I was the mother of 8 children, 3 of whom were angels in heaven. At the age of 33, the destructive family of two adults and 5 children broke, and at the same time I detached from my childhood growth base, Lestadianism, wondering who I am.
Where do I belong, I no longer belonged in the minority of the past, nor to the general population.
The least to myself.
Whose life am I living.
I had undergone therapy for interdependence, which was heavily art therapy focused. It was such an impressive experience for my own survival, that I wanted to go on to study the Logoart degree in Art Therapy. What impressed me the most, was being able to free myself from being a victim and to exchange into taking responsibility. The culprits give way to those who take responsibility. I got to work at the city of Porvoo at their activity center with young people and dementia patients. I was also working an art therapy instructor for loved ones, at the Minnesota-treatment center for alcoholics. I wanted to go to art school and got into teh Vapaa School of Art.
Carrying the responsibility of 5 children alone was really hard. The pain felt by adolescents in a divorce family, which were accompanied by alcohol, drugs, the police and the school student care. Those daily crushing calls and battles at home. I found myself as a social care client, a self-applied one. With only a few hours of sleep, worries and grief, legal battles, and child protection, awoke an inner determination in my own life. To question once again the purpose of my life. I studied to be an interior designer, dreaming of creating therapeutic environments that support humanity. Sometimes I worked in a store, sometimes in a café, with children, supporting the everyday life of entrepreneurs, searching for myself. When the 5-year drug struggle ended in the Minnesota-treatment instead of death, when my own child’s friends died of drugs, I firmly made the decision. I want to be where help, support and direction in life is needed, where my own life experiences are useful, supported by my own professional skills. I had personally experienced peer support, experiential expertise, and therapies to be a big supporting force on my own journey.
I am now 43 years old.
I went to study as a coach. I had always been the person who people came to talk to openly about painful things, both familiar people and unfamiliar ones, children, young people, adults and the elderly.
As I write this, I feel overwhelmed in my heart, because I am on the right path. I get to be a bystander for you who need just that in your life. The journey was long, but it was worth the walk.
I found the answer to the biggest question in my life, whose life am I living.
And to what I want to give to the world of myself.
I realized that the greatest desire of my life, to be enough for my children and enough for the world, came from first being enough for myself.
I found the diamond, in myself.
The strength that brought freedom.
The value base to which I was born, from myself.
By questioning, constantly asking myself. Answering questions of the world and of life.
The daily hopelessness turned into hope and faith in life and how all beautiful is born from giving. From sowing the seed, watering it and weeding it. When it rains enough, sowing gets nourishment. And when that cloudless day comes, it all bursts into bloom and you get to proudly admire the beauty of your sowing, thanking the forces of nature and life. And after that there is always the knowledge inside of the law of nature, after the rain it always shines.
Diamonds are formed deep in the earth's crust, in the heat over the years.
From my story, and that of of friend, the story of Sinako was born. A name which origin is Sinäkö (meaning the question "You?" in Finnish), which in turn is based on our inner ability to find answers in ourselves through questions, through questioning.
I will help you from my heart as a coach, with questions towards a life that looks like you, towards your dreams and desires, towards your inner strength and freedom.
With the lowest threshold, without shame.
Because you're worth it.
You already have all the wisdom and the answers is in you.
And I want to tell you, there is always hope, there is always a new opportunity. It is never too late to say "I do" to yourself and to life. I want exactly the life that belongs to me and I want to work for it.
With your love for the world.
Think of it as the mulch that has been ground many times, how nutritious it is for new sowing and growth.
(Below is a documentary about Minna on Finnish TV as well as a Virtual Art Exhibition of her work)